Recipe: Really Really Hot Pasta

Hi fans. Thought I would update the blog with some culinary content because even though food blogging is a bit 2010-2011 it can still be quite fun to write about cooking. Even if it is impossible to crowbar in any relevant buzz keywords in the search for mad hits.

Anyway, below you can find a recipe for Really Really Hot Pasta. It’s one of my newer creations and uses an exciting extra ingredient from Chilli Pepper Pete, which is basically the best food retailer on the internet.

Serves: 2 or 1 if you’re greedy
Preparation time: 30 mins max

1. Right, get some pasta out of the cupboard. The twists or the shells will do, but not penne – never penne. Now you want to put it in the pan and heat it up in some water until the water bubbles and then the pasta starts cooking or going soft or whatever it is that dry pasta actually does. Once the pasta is ‘al dente’ (which means literally, ‘can be dented if bitten’) you want to take the heat off a minute and drain the pasta.

2. While the pasta is cooking you should have been chopping up some onions and peppers and stuff. I recommend one small red onion and two large peppers (one red, one green). Also you’re going to want to chop up a couple of naga chillies too but be careful not to touch them and then touch your eyes or nose because that will wreck.

3. Now what you want to do is put all of the chopped onions, peppers and chillies in the pan with the pasta and pop the heat back on. Once you’re getting a bit of sizzle off the veg (please be careful not to burn the chillies in the pan, they will start to emit a smoke similar to nerve gas and you’ll probably have to evacuate your kitchen/house), stick one tin of tomato soup in and go with a gentle heat.

4. Now that the soup/veg/pasta mix is heating up nicely, why not pop a little bonus pocket of flavour in there with the addition of one tablespoon of apple sauce. You don’t have to but it can be nice.

5. Then it’s time to add the ingredient that makes this into a really, really hot dish as opposed to just a really hot one. It’s called Satan’s Shit and you can get it from Chilli Pepper Pete. It’s one of their extreme heat products and comes with a disclaimer so I should probably say that if you decide to eat it after reading this blog you release me from liability for any damage or pain you do yourself. It measures 1.25m on the Scoville Scale, which is about 25% the burn you’ll get from pure pepper spray and 500 times hotter than a jalapeno. I love this stuff so I can get away with a teaspoon in the mix but if you’re trying it out for the first time just go for tiny amounts to avoid ruining the dish.

6. Leave the pasta/veg/soup/deathpaste to bubble a little while on the hob, stirring occasionally to keep it nicely mixed up. Once it’s cooked and nice and hot, stick it in a bowl and ENJOY!